Flight Plan

[not my kid, not my photo]

(loud crash upstairs)

Me: “What was that giant crashing noise?!?”

(long pause)

Little Miss Thing, age 7, down the stairs: “I’m OK.”

Me: “What happened?”

(long pause)

LMT: “Turns out I can’t fly.”

Bad Dog

Danger Monkey, age 10: “If you could be any animal with three super powers, what would you be?”

Me: “I would be a bear, with Flying, Invisibility, and… X-Ray Vision.”

My Oldest, age 15: “A flying invisible bear? You terrify me.”

Me: “Don’t forget the X-Ray Vision.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I would be that dog that has a bad word in it.”

Me: “What? Do you mean a Shih tzu?”

LMT: (giggling)

Looking Up

Gate Attendant, looking down at computer terminal: “Yes?”

Me: “I was just wondering… I know you’re busy, but if it’s not too much trouble… I’m in 21B, and row 21 is full… but it looks like row 24 has two open seats next to each other, so I was…”

GA: (still looking down) “Sir, we don’t change seat assignments at the gate.”

Me: “Well, I was just checking because…”

GA: (still looking down) “Sir. I can’t help you.”

(long pause)

Me: “I’m a REALLY big guy.”

GA: (looks up)

GA: (looks up farther)

GA: (slow blink)

GA: “Row 24, you say?”