(at restaurant with My Oldest, age 15)
(family of four gets seated next to us)
Tiny girl, maybe 3: “I don’t want to sit here.”
Mom: “What’s wrong dear?”
(tiny girl runs around table to her dad)
TG: “That big man is angry! Why does he look so angry?”
Dad: “He’s not angry, honey.”
(I wave at her and smile)
TG: (suspicious stare)
TG: “OK.”
(walks back to her seat, eyeing me warily)
Oldest: (stifling laughter, tears in eyes) “I suddenly need to text all my friends. No reason.”
(at dinner)
Me: “OK, kids. I’m going up to pay the bill. Make sure you behave while I’m away.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “What exactly do you mean by BEHAVE?”
Me: “Oh, you know. Be quiet and respectful. Don’t yell bad words or have a fistfight. Don’t juggle bowling balls.”
LMT: “Does that include setting fires?”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “Yeah – you didn’t mention not juggling FLAMING bowling balls.”
LMT: “You didn’t say to not run away and join the circus.”
DM: “You didn’t say we can’t break up the furniture and make bows and arrows out of it.”
LMT: “You didn’t say to not turn off all the restaurant lights and yell POWER OUTAGE!”
DM: “You didn’t say to not run across other people’s food.”
Me: “On second thought, maybe you two should just come with me.”
Me: “I’m so proud that you kids are growing up and ordering full size entrées. It’s a big deal to move up from kids meals. It’s so cool to watch you mature into young adults with growing bodies and big appetites.”
(bill arrives for family of five)
Me: “Alright, back to kids meals next time.”
Very Vocal Viking 