Me: “Time to go, kids.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I don’t want to go.”
Me: “Well, we’re leaving. Someone has to run these errands.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “You can go without us.”
Me: “What, and do all the errands alone?”
LMT: “Sounds good to me.”
Me: “How about if you two go without me?”
DM: “Really?”
LMT: “Yes! You work the pedals, I’ll steer! Don’t forget to steal dad’s wallet!”
(running to car)
Me: (slow blink)
Me: “That was a little too enthusiastic.”
Danger Monkey, age 9: “You say a lot of things you don’t actually mean.”
Me: “It’s called sarcasm. Learn it now because our family lives on it.”
DM: “That doesn’t make sense. Also, can we pull over? I have to go really bad.”
Me: “We just left a restaurant! We have like 20 minutes until we get home.”
DM: “Crap.”
Me: “Not in my car you don’t. Also, don’t say crap.”
DM: “You say it a lot.”
Me: “Yes, but I’m 45 with a beard and a job.”
DM: “What does a beard have to do with it?”
Me: “Because I’m an authority figure.”
DM: “Sure you are.”
(pause)
DM: “That was sarcasm.”
Me: “I know.”
(pause)
Me: “I’m proud of you.”
DM: “I know.”
Sometimes I leave a Snickers bar in my car so I can eat it in an emergency.
And by “emergency”, I mean the moment I remember there is a Snickers bar in my car.
Very Vocal Viking 