Raise a Little Yell

(driving)

(kids yelling)

(much yelling)

(so much yelling)

Me: “Kids! Too loud! That’s enough. No more yelling in the car. Never yell in the car.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “No yelling… ever?”

Me: “The only thing you’re allowed to yell is, ‘DAD IS COOL’.”

(long pause)

Danger Monkey, age 10: “In other words, no yelling.”

Me: (glaring in rearview mirror)

Career Coach

My Oldest, age 15: “I’ve decided I want to have my own business when I grow up.”

Me: “That’s a great goal. Why are you driving so slowly here? It’s 55. You can go faster.”

Oldest: “I’m not sure what type of business yet.”

Me: “There’s plenty of time to choose an area of expertise. Careful… Careful… The road gets really narrow up ahead.”

Oldest: “Maybe I’ll go to business school.”

Me: “Watch out for that guy in that little red car… OH NICE TURN SIGNAL JERK FACE!!!”

Oldest: “Are you OK? You’re not even the one driving.”

Me: “Whatever. You know, I’ve always dreamed of owning my own business.”

Oldest: “Really?”

Me: “Maybe I’ll open a driving school for all these bad drivers.”

Oldest: “I… uh… I don’t think that’s suited to your skillset.”