(Dog farts.)
Me: “Dog, you stink.”
(Dog farts again)
Me: “Dog, if you don’t stop farting, I’m going to duct tape your butt closed.”
Boy: “Daddy, that’s not right. Don’t duct tape her butt closed!”
Boy leaves the room and comes back, holding up a circular object.
Boy: “Let’s use masking tape instead.”
Just found out tonight that my wife and kids have never seen Jumanji. We are currently fixing that. Thank you, Netflix. I am concerned the neighbors will complain about the screams of laughter coming from our living room.
Danger Monkey, age 8: “Announcement! I decorated my room like a jungle! It only costs $100.00 to see it.”
Little Miss Thing, age 5: “I don’t have $100.00!”
Me: “No, we don’t charge people to see our rooms.”
DM: “OK, admission is free but there is definitely a tip jar.”
Very Vocal Viking 