Ltitle Miss Thing, age 6: “Mom, he’s not doing dishes right.”
Danger Monkey, age 9: “Well, she’s not doing her fair share.”
Wonderful Wife: “Guys, can we be more positive, please?”
DM: “I’m positive she’s not doing her fair share.”
LMT: “I’m positive you stink.”
Me: “This is your first time ordering cannoli, so you need to know a few things before the waitress serves it.”
Danger Monkey, age 9: “I do?”
Me: “Yes. First, she won’t just set it down. They actually throw it to you from the aisle. You’ll need to wear a special mitt to catch it and then mash it down onto your plate.”
DM: “Whaaaaat?”
Me: “Don’t worry, cannoli mitts are totally edible. Just crush it all up together.”
DM: “Wait. Really?”
Me: “And you can’t eat cannoli with a fork. You have to throw pieces up to your mouth. If you try to use a fork, little cannoli ninjas will come out of the ceiling and take your dessert.”
(giggling)
DM: “What? I think you’re making up…”
Little Miss Thing, age 6: “Hey! I just saw a cannoli ninja! No, he’s gone. He’s hiding again already.”
(giggling)
DM: “Yah! I saw one, too! He just slid down a rope and jumped behind that plant!”
(much giggling)
(waitress appears and unceremoniously plops down a cannoli, walks away)
(long pause)
DM: “Well, that was boring.”
Me: “How do you like your new glasses?”
Danger Monkey, age 9: “I can see the leaves on trees now, and all the little stuff on the TV screen.”
Me: “That’s cool. I think they look really good on you.”
DM: “And now I can read Mom’s copy of the Hobbit cause the letters are so small.”
Me: (tears welling up)
DM: “Isn’t that good?”
Me: “Yeah, that’s good.”
Very Vocal Viking 