Danger Monkey, age 9: “If we had roads, and a whole year, could we ride our bikes all the way to the North Pole?”
Me: “Goodness no. The poles are way too cold for human life.”
Little Miss Thing, age 6: “Then how does Santa live there?!?”
Me: “It really doesn’t make much sense, does it?”
(long pause)
Me: “How do you think it works?”
LMT: “I think he wears 200 coats and that’s why he looks so fat.”
Me: “Yep. I think you figured it out.”
Me: “To cut back on calories and save money, I’ve decided to not order a shake with my dinner. I’ll just help the kids finish theirs.”
All three kids: “No way! I’m not sharing!” (much clamor)
Me: “OK, I guess I have to respect that.”
(I go back up and order my own shake)
Little Miss Thing, age 6: “I’m full. You can have the rest of mine.”
Danger Monkey, age 9: “Yeah, I can’t finish mine either.”
My Oldest, age 15: “Hey, don’t look at me. I’m no quitter.”
Me: “Look, kids. The hotel lobby has ice water with cucumber in it. See the little green slices.”
Danger Monkey, age 9: “No thanks. I hate cucumbers.”
Me: “Well, I’m only assuming it’s cucumber. It could be slices of dead snakes.”
DM: “That’s completely disgusting.”
(pause)
DM: “I wanna try it.”
DM: (long drink)
DM: “Disgusting.”
DM: “Can I have some more?”
Very Vocal Viking 