Tag: Charity

I’m A Giver

VeryVocalViking1 Comment

(at county fair)

(walking past a booth)

Booth Lady: “You are wonderful.”

Me: “Um… OK.”

BL: “I’ve seen how much food you’re buying, and only from the local charity booths.”

Me: “Yeah, I try to support the local stuff. It’s a great way to help out, and I get to eat lots of fun food.”

BL: “So, who all are you buying the food for? Your family? Or are you here with a group?”

Me: “Well, actually… mostly just me.”

BL: “WHOA. You ate ALL of that?”

Me: “No, not all of it. I shared.”

BL: …

Me: “I mean, I ate most of it.”

(long pause)

BL: “Well, the charities all appreciate you.”

Me: “I like to make an impact.”

King Solomon on Laundry

VeryVocalVikingLeave a comment

Me: “OK, OK… stop arguing. At this point, I don’t care who said what. I just need the hallway cleared. Is there — or is there not — stuff in the hallway between your rooms?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Yes.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Yes.”

Me: “OK, then, who does it belong to?”

DM: “Not me.”

LMT: “Not me.”

Me: “Good! That makes it easy. Let’s gather it all up and give it to charity.”

DM: “I’ll do that right now!” (runs off)

LMT: “DON’T YOU DARE THROW AWAY MY THINGS!!!” (runs off)

Me: …

Me: “I win.”