Me: “How is your turkey sandwich?”
Danger Monkey, age 9: “It’s OK, I guess.”
Me: “Yeah, between you and me, turkey is kind of dull. What could we put on there to make it better? Maybe mayonnaise? Avacado? Sliced tomatoes?”
DM: “How about ham… and bacon!”
Me: (pause) “You make me so proud, son.”
Little Miss Thing, age 6: “Can you help me find a hammer?”
Me: “Sure, honey. Where did you last see it?”
LMT: “In the back yard.”
Me: “Can you be more speciific?”
LMT: “Behind the woodpile.”
Me: “Behind the woodpile is just a giant mess of thorns and 7 foot weeds. How did a hammer get back there?”
LMT: “I threw it.”
Me: “And you want me to help you find it, after you threw it into the weeds.”
LMT: “Yes.”
Me: “What does the hammer look like?”
LMT: “Green.”
Me: “Of course it is.”
Wonderful Wife: “Please go do your vacuuming.”
Little Miss Thing, age 6: “OK.”
Me: “She’s getting really good at vacuuming.”
LMT: “How would you know? You never vacuum.”
Me: (jaw drop)
WW: “No comment.”
Very Vocal Viking 