Danger Monkey, age 10: “Why are there so many dirty dishes?”
Me: “Dishwasher’s broken.”
DM: “What happened?”
Me: “Not sure. The top rack won’t slide out. I spent about 20 minutes on it but it’s still stuck. But don’t worry, kiddo. I’ll find an article on the Internet later and…”
DM: “I fixed it.”
Me: “What?”
DM: “I watched Mom fix it last time that happened.”
Me: (slow blink)
Me: “Thank you.”
DM: “No problem. Let me know if you need anything else fixed.”
Me: …
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Daddy, guess what I did at school today.”
Me: “Learned to fly?”
LMT: “Incorrect. Minus five points from Griffyndor.”
Me: “Wait. What…?”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “I think I’m Ravenclaw. If Daddy is Griffyndor, what are you?”
LMT: “I’m a dog, so I’m in… DoggyTime.”
DM: “There’s no House called Doggytime at Hogwarts!”
LMT: “You’re not a dog, so we can’t tell you about it.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “That’s not how Mom does it.”
Me: “Well, she’s not here and I am. It’s a whole new paradigm.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “What does paradigm mean?”
DM: “It means he’s not as good at watching us as Mom is.”
Very Vocal Viking 