Me: “Did you enjoy the gaming convention last weekend?”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Yes! I love gaming conventions!”
Me: “Really? Aw, that’s awesome. That makes your geeky Dad’s heart just melt with happiness! What was your favorite part?”
LMT: “All the pancakes.”
(at tuck-ins)
Me: “OK, son, it’s time for lights…”
Danger Monkey, age 10: (lying still, eyes closed)
Me: “Oh, I see he is already asleep.”
DM: …
Me: “He’s definitely not faking sleep. He’s definitely really, really asleep.”
DM: …
Me: …
DM: …
Me: …
DM: (cracks smile)
Me: “Very few people smile in their sleep, you know.”
DM: (eyes pop open) “Dang it. I always fall for that.”
Me: “Fall for what? I was just staring at you.”
DM: “Yeah, but I KNEW you were staring at me.”
Me: “You’re not a very good faker, and that’s OK.”
DM: “I know.”
Me: “Besides, your little sister does enough faking for the entire family.”
DM: “She really does.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Which pen works best?”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “This one.”
Me: “Works best for what?”
LMT: “Writing on my hand.”
Me: “What? No, gross. Don’t do that.”
LMT: “Why not?”
Me: “Uh, well… It looks messy. And, uh… it’s hard to get off. And it just looks bad.”
DM: “We can’t write on ourselves?”
Me: “No.”
LMT: “You mean like your GIANT TATTOO?”
Me: …
Me: …
Me: “OK, but no swear words.”
Very Vocal Viking 