My Oldest, age 16: “Oh, I love all these new pieces of art.”

Me: “Yeah, about that.”

Oldest: “What about it?”

Me: “The good news is the money went to a very good cause.”

Oldest: “And the bad news?”

Me: “We can’t pay for your college. Sorry, kiddo.”

Oldest: “That’s OK. Now I’ll just have to win some scholarship and when they hand me the giant cardboard check people will look at the picture and say, Why isn’t she smiling, and someone will say, Oh it looks like she’s glaring at someone just off camera.”