Danger Monkey, age 10: “Your beef stew is delicious, but it has too many vegetables.”
Me: “Vegetables are part of the soup. It’s yummy. Eat up.”
DM: “This should be called Vegetable Soup with a tiny bit of beef.”
Me: “Actually, wiseguy, it’s got plenty of…”
DM: “I’m going to make Beef Stew that’s just one kernel of corn and the rest is beef and delicious broth.”
Me: (long pause)
Me: “As your father I’m supposed to correct you, but I would totally eat that.”
Things I Actually, Really Said:
“No, just because you can fit half an avocado into your mouth does not make it bite-sized.”
“Come downstairs right now and get your giant squid.”
“Being in a bad mood is not a valid justification for physical assault.”
“My pancreas is not a trampoline.”
“Sorry, you can’t be a dog when you grow up. Being a Veterinarian is probably as close as you can get.”
“No one in this family ever calls anyone by the wrong name, Reginald.” [Note: his name is not Reginald]
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Can we order dessert?”
Me: “Uh, no. This meal is not nutritious enough already. I got wings, you got chicken fingers, he ordered a cheeseburger, and we’re all eating fries.”
LMT: “Pretty please?”
Me: “No, you ordered lemonade. That’s basically a dessert. Also, we have ice cream at home. I mean, look — none of us have eaten anything even resembling a fruit or veggie tonight.”
(long pause)
Danger Monkey, age 10: “What if we order some fruits and veggies? Then can we get dessert?”
Me: “This is not that kind of place. They don’t even sell fruits and veggies.”
LMT: “Well, it is called Buffalo Wild Wings, not Veggie Palace. You should have known better when you brought us here.”
Me: …
Very Vocal Viking 