Me: “Hey, wanna go out for dinner tonight?”
Wonderful Wife: “I really don’t feel well. I have a horrible headache and the lymph nodes in my neck are swollen.”
Me: (typing on my phone)
Me: “I looked up your symptoms. I’m afraid you only have a few hours to live.”
WW: (heads into kitchen)
Me: “What are you doing?”
WW: “Making pop tarts and chocolate Quik. If I’m dying, that’s how I want to go out.”
(dinner function with attorneys)
Fancy Dress Lady: “Nice to meet you. Are you also an attorney?”
Me: “Oh, God no.”
FDL: “Then what are you? A Viking?”
Me: “Only semi-professionally.”
FDL: (shocked look) “Oh my God! Are you serious right now? I was just kidding. What, do you have a viking blog or something?”
Me: “Well, actually…”
FDL: “Oh, no way! You’re killing me. What’s your blog?”
Me: “Very Vocal Viking. It’s not really about Vikings. It’s mostly just stories about funny things my kids say.”
FDL: “I will seriously check that out.”
(dials phone)
Hostess: “Good evening, this is Fancy Restaurant. How may I help you?”
Me: “Hi. I was there earlier this evening and I’m wondering if I may have accidentally left an item there.”
Hostess: “Oh, I’m so sorry for your inconvenience, sir. I’ll be happy to assist you in any way I can. Do you remember the name of your server?”
Me: “Sorry, I’m not sure. Maybe it was… Amy?”
Hostess: “Hmm… Could it have been Teresa?”
Me: “Possibly.”
Hostess: “Maybe it was Sarah?”
Me: “Maybe, I guess. I’m really not sure. But, you know, she’ll probably remember me. I was the 6’4″ Viking wearing a kilt.”
Hostess: (laughter) “Oh yes… we all remember you.” (laughter)
Very Vocal Viking 