Me: “Pardon me, ma’am. Are gown and mask coverings still required to visit patients on this floor?”
Nurse: (without looking up) “Yes, but I can get them for you.”
Me: “Thanks. I need the largest gown and mask you have available.”
Nurse: “Oh, don’t worry, they’re one-size-fits all. They really are quite lar…”
Nurse: (finally looks up at me)
Nurse: “Oh, my. Well, let’s call these one-size-fits MOST.”
(SciFi convention, waiting for elevator along with two young women in corsets)
(elevator opens, very full of preteen boys and a lone soccer mom)
Preteen Boy: “You can fit!”
(soccer mom eye roll)
Me: “Thanks, I’m going to pass.”
Corset Lady 1, stepping into elevator: “It’s OK. We showered today.”
Corset Lady 2, squeezing into elevator: “Together.”
(soccer mom eyes get huge)
(elevator closes)
Me: …
Me: “I love SciFi conventions.”
(at food court)
Me: (dumps trash)
Me: “Oh crap! I just dumped trash into the recycling slot. I didn’t see the signs until it was too late.”
Custodian: “Don’t worry, it all goes to the same place.”
Me: “What.”
Custodian: “What.”
Very Vocal Viking 