(I arrive home) My Oldest, age 16: “Where’ve you been? I made popcorn, no help from you. You can’t have any. Don’t even ask.” Me: “Why would I want popcorn? I just got Chinese takeout, thank you very much.” Oldest: “Ooooh, Chinese! Gimme some.” (long pause) Me: “Do you even hear the irony?”
Wonderful Wife: “Time to get your school backpack cleaned out. Let’s get it all put away. Everything in its place!”
(furious digging)
Danger Monkey, age 10: “Oh! I’ve been looking everywhere for this.”
WW: “What is it?”
DM: “My eye patch.”
WW: “Does that really belong in your school backpack?”
DM: “No.”
WW: “So… where does it go?”
DM: “Over my eye.”
WW: …
Me: (tiny cough)
Little Miss Thing, age 8: “I think you’re sick.”
Me: “I’m not sick.”
LMT: “I think you have that one disease.”
Me: “I’m afraid to ask.”
LMT: “You have P-new-mommia.”
Me: “Do you mean pneumonia?”
LMT: “No, it’s P-new-mommia. You have to go pee… with a newspaper… and Mama!”
(so much giggling)
Me: …
Very Vocal Viking 