Category: Parenting

Old Fashioned

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Me: “Hey! Why are all these clothes thrown everywhere?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “We’re doing a fashion show.”

Me: “Who is WE, exactly?”

(dog walks out of closet, tail wagging, with a bathrobe belt tied around her middle and a bonnet on her head)

LMT: “Me and Sif. I made her beautiful.”

Me: “She was already beautiful. Are you sure she’s having fun?”

(dog wags tail and isn’t trying to leave)

LMT: “She loves her outfit. It’s French.”

Me: “Well, French or not, at least untie that belt and…”

LMT: “No!”

(long pause)

LMT: “Daddy, I don’t think you understand Fashion.”

Me: …

Me: “OK. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”

Little Fixer

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Danger Monkey, age 10: “Why are there so many dirty dishes?”

Me: “Dishwasher’s broken.”

DM: “What happened?”

Me: “Not sure. The top rack won’t slide out. I spent about 20 minutes on it but it’s still stuck. But don’t worry, kiddo. I’ll find an article on the Internet later and…”

DM: “I fixed it.”

Me: “What?”

DM: “I watched Mom fix it last time that happened.”

Me: (slow blink)

Me: “Thank you.”

DM: “No problem. Let me know if you need anything else fixed.”

Me: …

First Rule of DoggyTime

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Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Daddy, guess what I did at school today.”

Me: “Learned to fly?”

LMT: “Incorrect. Minus five points from Griffyndor.”

Me: “Wait. What…?”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “I think I’m Ravenclaw. If Daddy is Griffyndor, what are you?”

LMT: “I’m a dog, so I’m in… DoggyTime.”

DM: “There’s no House called Doggytime at Hogwarts!”

LMT: “You’re not a dog, so we can’t tell you about it.”