Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Dad, I just realized you are a weird person.”
Me: “What?”
LMT: “Don’t worry. It’s not a bad thing.”
Category: Parenting
Letter of the Law
(at dinner)
Me: “OK, kids. I’m going up to pay the bill. Make sure you behave while I’m away.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “What exactly do you mean by BEHAVE?”
Me: “Oh, you know. Be quiet and respectful. Don’t yell bad words or have a fistfight. Don’t juggle bowling balls.”
LMT: “Does that include setting fires?”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “Yeah – you didn’t mention not juggling FLAMING bowling balls.”
LMT: “You didn’t say to not run away and join the circus.”
DM: “You didn’t say we can’t break up the furniture and make bows and arrows out of it.”
LMT: “You didn’t say to not turn off all the restaurant lights and yell POWER OUTAGE!”
DM: “You didn’t say to not run across other people’s food.”
Me: “On second thought, maybe you two should just come with me.”
Growth Expense
Me: “I’m so proud that you kids are growing up and ordering full size entrées. It’s a big deal to move up from kids meals. It’s so cool to watch you mature into young adults with growing bodies and big appetites.”
(bill arrives for family of five)
Me: “Alright, back to kids meals next time.”
Very Vocal Viking 