(sits down at hotel restaurant)

Me: “Good news kids, today you get to experience the majestic grandeur of a hotel breakfast buffet.”

(still standing)

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Why are we eating HERE?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I don’t like it here.”

Me: “Give it a chance. It’s pretty awesome. I mean, they have lots of bacon.”

DM: “Meh.”

LMT: “I hate this place.”

Me: “You guys need to be more open to new experiences. You’ll discover cool new things.”

DM: “Can we go somewhere else?”

LMT: “I’ll just sit here and draw pictures. When you’re done, you can take me somewhere else.”

Me: “Oh, did I mention they have unlimited pancakes and…”

(two child-shaped dust clouds appear where children used to be)

Me: “… syrup.”