Me: “What? Why are you downstairs? I tucked you in 15 minutes ago.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “You didn’t do it right.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
LMT: (produces book)
Me: “What’s this? The American Girls Babysitting Guide Book?”
LMT: “Page 61. It says when you tuck in children, you should sit and read to them.”
Me: “Well, that’s more of a suggest…”
LMT: (running up stairs) “I already have a book picked out for you.”
Me: …
Wonderful Wife: “She did provide documentation.”
Me: “I blame you.”
My Oldest, age 16: “Oh, I love all these new pieces of art.”
Me: “Yeah, about that.”
Oldest: “What about it?”
Me: “The good news is the money went to a very good cause.”
Oldest: “And the bad news?”
Me: “We can’t pay for your college. Sorry, kiddo.”
Oldest: “That’s OK. Now I’ll just have to win some scholarship and when they hand me the giant cardboard check people will look at the picture and say, Why isn’t she smiling, and someone will say, Oh it looks like she’s glaring at someone just off camera.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I said I wanted scrambled eggs. I hate fried eggs.”
Me: “Well, they’re basically the same thing, I just stirred them less.”
LMT: “No, I hate them.”
Me: “Here. You only have to eat one.”
(pokes with fork)
(tiny bite)
(snarfs the rest in one bite)
LMT: “I want more. Those are really good!”
Me: …
Very Vocal Viking 