Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I need to sleep with you tonight.”
Wonderful Wife: “No, back to your bed.”
LMT: “But I don’t sleep well in my bed!”
WW: “Just this morning I asked you how you slept, and you said OK.”
LMT: “Yeah, only OK. That just means I didn’t die.”
(driving)
(kids yelling)
(much yelling)
(so much yelling)
Me: “Kids! Too loud! That’s enough. No more yelling in the car. Never yell in the car.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “No yelling… ever?”
Me: “The only thing you’re allowed to yell is, ‘DAD IS COOL’.”
(long pause)
Danger Monkey, age 10: “In other words, no yelling.”
Me: (glaring in rearview mirror)
My Oldest, age 16: (walks in eating potato chips) “Hey, since when do you hide potato chips from us?”
Me: “SHHHHH!”
Me: (whispering) “I don’t hide them. I just… store them… strategically. And please be quiet before the others hear you.”
My Oldest: “This from the guy who tells us to not keep secrets. Nice.”
Me: “Hey, now. I only hide them because you kids snarf them up immediately as soon as you know they’re in the house. It’s one of my only treats, so I like to have some stick around in the house longer than 10 minutes.”
My Oldest: “Whatever. You can hide all the BBQ chips you want, I just want the plain ones.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: (from the other room) “We have BBQ chips! Woo-hoo!”
Me: (glaring)
My Oldest: (batting eye lashes) “Love you, Daddy.” (walks away)
Very Vocal Viking 