Me: “What’s wrong kiddo? Why aren’t you in bed?”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I HATE lightning storms!” (shakes fist)
(lightning crashes)
LMT: (eyes wide) “That lightning happened right when I punched. Did I make it happen?”
Me: “I don’t think that was you.”
LMT: (furiously shaking fist)
(no lightning)
LMT: “OK, I checked. I guess I’m not Mother Nature.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “Your beef stew is delicious, but it has too many vegetables.”
Me: “Vegetables are part of the soup. It’s yummy. Eat up.”
DM: “This should be called Vegetable Soup with a tiny bit of beef.”
Me: “Actually, wiseguy, it’s got plenty of…”
DM: “I’m going to make Beef Stew that’s just one kernel of corn and the rest is beef and delicious broth.”
Me: (long pause)
Me: “As your father I’m supposed to correct you, but I would totally eat that.”
Things I Actually, Really Said:
“No, just because you can fit half an avocado into your mouth does not make it bite-sized.”
“Come downstairs right now and get your giant squid.”
“Being in a bad mood is not a valid justification for physical assault.”
“My pancreas is not a trampoline.”
“Sorry, you can’t be a dog when you grow up. Being a Veterinarian is probably as close as you can get.”
“No one in this family ever calls anyone by the wrong name, Reginald.” [Note: his name is not Reginald]
Very Vocal Viking 