Me: “Hey, wanna go out for dinner tonight?”
Wonderful Wife: “I really don’t feel well. I have a horrible headache and the lymph nodes in my neck are swollen.”
Me: (typing on my phone)
Me: “I looked up your symptoms. I’m afraid you only have a few hours to live.”
WW: (heads into kitchen)
Me: “What are you doing?”
WW: “Making pop tarts and chocolate Quik. If I’m dying, that’s how I want to go out.”
(sits down at hotel restaurant)
Me: “Good news kids, today you get to experience the majestic grandeur of a hotel breakfast buffet.”
(still standing)
Danger Monkey, age 10: “Why are we eating HERE?”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I don’t like it here.”
Me: “Give it a chance. It’s pretty awesome. I mean, they have lots of bacon.”
DM: “Meh.”
LMT: “I hate this place.”
Me: “You guys need to be more open to new experiences. You’ll discover cool new things.”
DM: “Can we go somewhere else?”
LMT: “I’ll just sit here and draw pictures. When you’re done, you can take me somewhere else.”
Me: “Oh, did I mention they have unlimited pancakes and…”
(two child-shaped dust clouds appear where children used to be)
Me: “… syrup.”
(hugging)
Me: “I love you. You are strong, smart, and beautiful.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Good. You are too.”
Me: “Thank you. I’m very proud of you.”
LMT: “Yeah, I know.”
Me: “Good.”
(long pause)
LMT: “My favorite dessert is cheesecake. I thought you should know that.”
Me: “Noted.”
Very Vocal Viking 