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The Sounds of Irony

QuoteOctober 22, 2017October 26, 2017 VeryVocalVikingLeave a comment

(I arrive home) My Oldest, age 16: “Where’ve you been? I made popcorn, no help from you. You can’t have any. Don’t even ask.” Me: “Why would I want popcorn? I just got Chinese takeout, thank you very much.” Oldest: “Ooooh, Chinese! Gimme some.” (long pause) Me: “Do you even hear the irony?”

Hidden Ranch

October 4, 2017October 11, 2017 VeryVocalVikingLeave a comment

Me: “You have to eat some broccoli.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I HATE BROCCOLI!”

Me: “It’s the only veggie option at this restaurant, so you have to have at least a couple bites.”

(long pause)

LMT: “Can I dip it in ranch?”

Me: “Uh… Sure.”

LMT: (noisily scarfs two large servings of broccoli with ranch)

LMT: “I love broccoli! Can I have some more?”

Me: (blank stare)

Me: “Why did we never think of this until now?”

Wonderful Wife: “I’ve used that trick for years.”

(long pause)

Me: “I have only myself to blame.”

Rest in Pieces

September 20, 2017September 19, 2017 VeryVocalViking1 Comment

Me: “Are you done with your dinner?”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Yeah, you can eat it.” (slides plate)

Me: “Oh, no. I’ll save it for leftovers.”

DM: “Please eat it for lunch tomorrow.”

Me: “Actually, I think I’ll probably have it for breakfast with a fried egg and some avocado.”

DM: “No, have it for lunch. It was really delicious and it deserves an honorable burial.”

(long pause)

Me: “As you wish.”