Wonderful Wife: “What’s for dinner?”
Me: “I want to eat out, but I’m too tired to go anywhere. Let’s have food delivered.”
WW: “Sure thing. What do you want?”
Me: “I want food delivered.”
WW: “Yeah, but what type of food.”
Me: “I want the type of food that shows up in front of me.”
WW: “Anything?”
Me: “I’m too tired to even choose.”
WW: “Wow. Are you up to chewing it yourself?”
Me: “I’ll struggle through it.”
WW: “You’re a real inspiration to us all.”
Me: “You’re welcome.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Who is that guy?”
Me: “What guy?”
LMT: “The guy in this picture with Grandma.”
Me: “That’s me, honey.”
LMT: “I don’t think so.”
Me: “It’s me, just a really long time ago.”
LMT: “Like, thirty five hundred years ago?”
Me: …
Me: “Pretty much.”
Me: “Hi. I need my suit cleaned and pressed today, please.”
Dry Cleaner Lady: “Sorry, can’t do it for today, hon. You have to get it in by 9 am for same day pickup, and even then you can’t pick it up until after 5.”
Me: “Oh, I didn’t realize.”
DCL: “Yah, sorry. See, it’s on the sign here and everything.” (points at sign)
Me: “Oh.”
DCL: “We really can’t make exceptions.”
Me: “Sure. Of course not.”
DCL: “Thanks for understanding.”
Me: “Of course. Really, I understand. Thank you for your time.”
(two steps toward door, turns back)
Me: “Just by chance, do you know of any other cleaners that could do it today? It’s for my Mom’s funeral tomorrow, so I have to find someone who can do it today.”
(long pause)
DCL: “We’ll have your suit ready for you by 3.”
Very Vocal Viking 