(at school picnic)

Wonderful Wife: “It’s been about half an hour since they checked in. Can you see our kids?”

Me: “Lemme look.”

(stands up, scans large field of active children)

WW: “And?”

Me: “Yes, I can see them. They’re good.”

WW: “What are they doing?”

Me: “He’s with a group of his friends and it looks like they’re daring each other to eat dirt. She’s chasing some older boys and throwing mulch at them.”

(long pause)

WW: “Sounds about right.”

Me: “Situation Normal.”

(sits back down)