She’s Colorful

(at restaurant, waiting for food)

Me: “Hey Honey, I bought ice cream earlier so we can have dessert at home tonight.”

Wonderful Wife: “Not until after chores. This one has lots of chores tonight, right kiddo?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: (intently coloring place mat)

WW: “Someone put off all her chores until the last minute. Isn’t that right, young lady?”

LMT: (intently coloring place mat)

Me: “Did you not hear your Mom speaking to you?”

LMT: (intently coloring place mat)

Me: “She probably didn’t hear about the ice cream, either.”

LMT: “Of course I heard the part about ice cream. I’m only sitting like two feet away from you.”

Me: “So, you also heard the part about chores.”

LMT: (intently coloring place mat)

Stuffed

(at dinner table)

Wonderful Wife: “You need to use your fork on the spaghetti, not your fingers. We don’t eat with our hands.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Nope.”

WW: “That wasn’t a question. A better response would be, ‘Yes, Mama’.”

LMT: “No. I don’t feel like it.”

WW: (glaring)

Me: “That was strike two. If you don’t respond appropriately to your mother, there will be serious consequences.”

LMT: “Like what?”

Me: “Like… losing all your electronics for a day.”

LMT: “I don’t care.”

Me: “OK, wiseguy. How about losing electronics for a week?”

LMT: “I don’t care.”

(pause)

Me: “Hmmm. Then I guess I’ll have to take away that new stuffed animal you bought last…”

LMT: “Sorry, Mama. I won’t do it again.”

 

Demerits

My Oldest, age 16: (singing)

Danger Monkey, age 10: “That song’s annoying. Stop singing.”

MO: (sings louder)

DM: “OK, then you lose 10 points.”

MO: “What points?”

DM: “You just lost 10 points for your House.”

MO: “I don’t care.”

DM: “Minus 10 more points for not caring.”

MO: (rolls eyes)

Me: “You know, Son, we’re all in the same house. Taking away points from your family members doesn’t really make much sense.”

DM: (long pause)

DM: “Minus 10 points for Dad.”