Comfortably Numb

My Cool Dentist: “It’s been about 15 minutes. That shot should have you all numb by now.” (starts drilling)

Me: “Uh… I can feel that.”

MCD: “You said you were a little hard to numb. I already used half a cylinder of Novocain. I guess I’ll use the other half.” (poke poke stab)

(10 minutes later)

MCD: “That 2nd shot has had plenty of time to take effect, so we’re ready to drill.” (starts drilling)

Me: “Uh… I can feel that.”

MCD: “Really? Wow. OK. Nancy, get me another tube. This might numb your whole mouth, so just don’t bite your tongue.” (shoots entire 2nd tube into my jaw)

(5 minutes later)

MCD: “OK, can you feel anything now?”

Me: “Aaag cabber ffulizzz aggerrrzheeen.”

MCD: “That’s what I like to hear.” (starts drilling)

Location, Location, Location

Me: “How was your role playing game?”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Awesome! In the game I built a giant robot that’s 45 stories tall and I can make it do anything from the control room in his head.”

Me: “Cool. How do you get to a control room that’s 45 stories up?”

DM: “It has stairs inside.”

Me: “Wow! What a climb.”

DM: “It’s OK. I installed a lemonade stand about half way up.”

Me: “That’s — very creative.”

DM: “It also serves hot chocolate and Caprese salad.”

Me: (long pause)

Me: “You’re a pretty amazing guy, you know?”

DM: “Yeah, I know.”

Oh I’m Sure

(arriving at Chinese buffet)

Young Hostess: “How many in your party tonight?”

Me: “Just me, but I promise to eat a lot.”

YH: “Oh, I’m sure.”

Me: (chuckle)

YH: (eyes wide) “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it like… I wasn’t saying that you’re…”

Me: “It’s OK. I thought it was funny.”

YH: “Oh, thank God. Some people are really sensitive about stuff like that.”

Me: “It’s all good. I’m not sensitive like that.”

YH: “Good. You don’t look sensitive at all.”

Me: “Well, it’s good to know I don’t look sensitive.”

YH: “Oh God! I did it again! I didn’t mean it like that.”

Me: “It’s totally cool. I didn’t take it the wrong way.”

(long pause)

Me: “Can I have a table?”

YH: “Oh, right. Follow me.”