Me: “Hey, wanna go out for dinner tonight?”
Wonderful Wife: “I really don’t feel well. I have a horrible headache and the lymph nodes in my neck are swollen.”
Me: (typing on my phone)
Me: “I looked up your symptoms. I’m afraid you only have a few hours to live.”
WW: (heads into kitchen)
Me: “What are you doing?”
WW: “Making pop tarts and chocolate Quik. If I’m dying, that’s how I want to go out.”
(dinner function with attorneys)
Fancy Dress Lady: “Nice to meet you. Are you also an attorney?”
Me: “Oh, God no.”
FDL: “Then what are you? A Viking?”
Me: “Only semi-professionally.”
FDL: (shocked look) “Oh my God! Are you serious right now? I was just kidding. What, do you have a viking blog or something?”
Me: “Well, actually…”
FDL: “Oh, no way! You’re killing me. What’s your blog?”
Me: “Very Vocal Viking. It’s not really about Vikings. It’s mostly just stories about funny things my kids say.”
FDL: “I will seriously check that out.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “What are you doing?”
Me: “I’m making a dry rub.”
DM: “What’s that?”
Me: “It’s a yummy mix of brown sugar and some spices that I’ll be literally rubbing onto a rack of ribs here in a couple minutes.”
DM: “Whoa, ribs for dinner! Cool!”
Me: “Wanna help make the ribs? I’ll teach you everything I know.”
DM: “Nah, but I’ll help eat it. I already know how how to do that.”
Very Vocal Viking 