What Chews Toes?

Me: “How was your sleepover?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “It was great. I painted dolphins.”

Me: “Cool. You get to choose where we eat dinner tonight.”

LMT: “Hmm… how about Buccetto’s?”

Me: “Sounds good. Why Bucetto’s?”

LMT: “Because it sounds like Butt-Chews-Toes.”

Me: …

Me: “Welcome home, kiddo. I missed you.”



Eat Your Words

Me: “Let’s get junk food. How about… twinkies.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “How about something a little healthier?”

Me: “Healthier than twinkies? That’s almost anything. Can you think of anything LESS healthy than twinkies?”

DM: “Um… gravel?”

Me: “Trash.”

DM: “A flaming sword.”

Me: “OK, so let’s compromise and get… cookies.”

DM: “How about apples?”

Me: “What?”

DM: “Maybe some kale?”

Me: …

Me: “You are no longer my son.”

DM: “Yay! Now you can’t give me chores!”