No reason

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “He’s stealing it!”

Me: “Stop. Why are you taking her thing?”

Danger Monkey, age 9: “Uh… because I wanted to.”

Me: “Hey, just a thought… please go get your most prized possession and stand next to me. No reason. Completely unrelated.”

DM: “No thank you. I think I learned my lesson.”

How You Like Them Apples

Me: “Do your homework soon.”

My Oldest, age 15: “Theres no hurry.”

Me: “Do your chores right away.”

Danger Monkey, age 9: “I have other stuff to do first.”

Me: “OK, well, I guess we can’t go to the orchard and get…”

Unison: “CARAMEL APPLES!!!”

(child-shaped dust clouds where children used to be standing)

Crazy Hair Day

Me: “Is everyone ready for the bus? Oh my goodness, why is your hair so messy?”

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “It’s Crazy Hair Day at school today.”

Me: “Cool. Maybe I’ll do that for work today, too.”

LMT: “Every day is Crazy Hair and Crazy Beard Day for you.”

Me: (slow blink)

[I mean… she’s not wrong.]