Just Like Me

Me: “Your skin tans just like your mother. Your sister and brother just burn like me.”

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “The Sun hates you and is trying to kill you.”

Me: “What?”

LMT: “You and the Sun have a complicated relationship.”

Me: “Where do you get this stuff?”

LMT: “You.”

Me: “Yeah, OK, that does sound like me.”

Cannoli Prep

Me: “This is your first time ordering cannoli, so you need to know a few things before the waitress serves it.”

Danger Monkey, age 9: “I do?”

Me: “Yes. First, she won’t just set it down. They actually throw it to you from the aisle. You’ll need to wear a special mitt to catch it and then mash it down onto your plate.”

DM: “Whaaaaat?”

Me: “Don’t worry, cannoli mitts are totally edible. Just crush it all up together.”

DM: “Wait. Really?”

Me: “And you can’t eat cannoli with a fork. You have to throw pieces up to your mouth. If you try to use a fork, little cannoli ninjas will come out of the ceiling and take your dessert.”

(giggling)

DM: “What? I think you’re making up…”

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “Hey! I just saw a cannoli ninja! No, he’s gone. He’s hiding again already.”

(giggling)

DM: “Yah! I saw one, too! He just slid down a rope and jumped behind that plant!”

(much giggling)

(waitress appears and unceremoniously plops down a cannoli, walks away)

(long pause)

DM: “Well, that was boring.”

Cool Cool

(at Indy Pop Con)

Young Woman: “Excuse me, sir?”

Me: “Yes?”

YW: “You’re a volunteer, right? Do you know where (some celebrity I’ve never heard of) is signing autographs?”

Me: “Uhhh… no, actually, sorry. Most celebrity booths are over in that area, though. You might try over there.”

YW: “OK, thanks.”

Me: “Is there anything else?”

YW: “I like your beard.”

Me: “Thank you. I like it, too.”

YW: “Cool.”

Me: “Cool.”