Dusty

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “We should get a gun in case robbers come.”

Wonderful Wife: “It’s more likely to have an accident with a gun than to defend your house with it.”

Me: “Plus we have a security system and three huge dogs.”

WW: “And we don’t have a bunch of cash or electronics or jewelry that robbers would even want.”

Me: “And we have insurance. We’ll just buy another TV if they steal it.”

LMT: “Yeah, our TV is getting kinda dusty.”

Me: “That’s the spirit.”

Lost in Translation

The sounds of arguing drift down the stairs.

Danger Monkey, age 9: “It’s a free country!”

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “But it’s my bedroom!”

Danger Monkey, age 9: “It’s a free country!”

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “But it’s my bedroom!” (repeat 10 times)

Me, shouting: “Hey! You two upstairs! I don’t care what you’re arguing about but you need to use your brains and your words to come to a creative solution to your problem. Don’t just shout the same things at each other over and over.”

DM: (whisper) “What did he say?”

LMT: (whisper) “He said you’re kicked out of my room for the rest of the day.”

DM: “Awww, man!”