Me: “How was your day at school?”
Danger Monkey, age 8: “Fine.”
Me: “Did you learn anything today?”
DM: “I learned two things. First, never jump backwards off a swing. Second, if you are bleeding you should hold that body part above your heart.”
Me: (slow blink) “Just try to make it to age nine, OK?”
DM: “OK. I’ll try.”
My Oldest, age 14: “And where are you two going tonight on your date?”
Me: “A party.”
Oldest: “Will there be alcohol?”
Me: “Yes.”
Oldest: “Have you made arrangements for a designated driver?”
Me: “Wait… Which one of us is the parent here? This is like good cop / bad cop or something.”
Oldest: “You seem to be avoiding that last question.”
Me: (pause) “Yes, I will not drink so I can drive us home.”
Oldest: “Good. You may leave now.”
Me, at Radio Shack: “Do you have pre-made CAT5 cables in 100 foot length?”
Female Employee: “No. Someone bought our last one yesterday. Can I ask you a question?”
Me: “Ask me a question? Sure.”
FE: “Are you in a Metal band?”
Me: “Uh… No.”
FE: “You have perfect hair for a metal band. And you’re wearing a black t-shirt and you look kinda angry. You should think about fronting a metal band.”
Me: (slow blink)
Me: “OK, I will consider it.”
FE: “Cool.”
Very Vocal Viking 