Danger Monkey, age 10: “Why are there so many dirty dishes?”
Me: “Dishwasher’s broken.”
DM: “What happened?”
Me: “Not sure. The top rack won’t slide out. I spent about 20 minutes on it but it’s still stuck. But don’t worry, kiddo. I’ll find an article on the Internet later and…”
DM: “I fixed it.”
Me: “What?”
DM: “I watched Mom fix it last time that happened.”
Me: (slow blink)
Me: “Thank you.”
DM: “No problem. Let me know if you need anything else fixed.”
Me: …
Danger Monkey, age 10: “That’s not how Mom does it.”
Me: “Well, she’s not here and I am. It’s a whole new paradigm.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “What does paradigm mean?”
DM: “It means he’s not as good at watching us as Mom is.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Brazil? That sign said Brazil.”
Me: “Yes, we’re driving past Brazil. It’s on the way home from Grandma’s.”
LMT: “It is??!?”
Wonderful Wife: “Honey, this is Brazil, the city, not the country down in South America.”
LMT: “Oh, OK.”
Me: “Yeah, that Brazil is very far away.”
LMT: “Can we go to Brazil the country?”
My Oldest, age 15: “Yeah, Dad. Let’s drive to all the way to Brazil!”
Me: “Don’t you start with me, too. You know it’s not possible to drive to Brazil.”
Oldest: “Well, not with that attitude it isn’t.”
Very Vocal Viking 