Chipper

(wrestling)

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Hold him down while I try to tickle his feet!”

Me: “I’m not ticklish.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “I’ve got his arms, you get his legs!”

Me: “Help. Help. I’m totally pinned.”

LMT: “I can only hold one leg.”

DM: “I’ve got both his arms, but I think he’s just letting me win.”

Me: “And now… the tickling!”

(tickling)

(much tickling)

(much laughter)

DM: “Oh gross! Your breath smells like potato chips.”

Me: “You know, for a kid who eats raw onions…”

LMT: “Of course his breath stinks! This is Dad we’re talking about. Don’t get distracted. ATTACK!”

(pounce)

(much tickling)

(much laughter)

(much love)

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Stabbing Pains

(wrestling)

(WOMP)

Me: “Ow! What was that?”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “My elbow.”

Me: “Then no more elbows.”

(WOMP)

Me: “Hey! I said no elbows!”

DM: “That wasn’t my elbow.”

Me: “Then what was it?”

DM: “My fist.”

Me: …

Me: “That’s worse than an elbow.”

DM: “You didn’t say no fists.”

Me: “I didn’t say no knives either, but that doesn’t mean you can stab me with a giant knife.”

DM: …

DM: “What about a small knife? How big is giant?”

Me: “NO STABBING.”