(wakes up)

Wonderful Wife: “Good morning.”

Me: “Good morning.”

Lump Under Blankets: “Good Morning.”

Me: “Bah! Who is that?”

(throws off blanket)

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “It’s me!”

Me: “When did you get into bed with us?”

LMT: “I had a bad dream.”

WW: “Let’s snuggle a little and then it’s time to clean our rooms and finish packing for our trip.”

LMT: “I don’t want to clean or pack. I’m not going!”

Me: “Well, you can’t stay here.”

LMT: “I’ll run away. I can live in the woods.”

Me: “That escalated quickly.”

WW: “Let’s just snuggle and we’ll talk about it later.”

LMT: “No! I’m going to go sulk in my bed.” (stomps off)

WW: “She might need more sleep.”

Me: “Did she really just use the word sulk?”

WW: “Yes. That’s our girl.”

Me: “God help us all.”


We are Not Prepared

Danger Monkey, age 9: “EARTHQUAKE!!!”

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “Stop shaking the table and yelling EARTHQUAKE.”

DM: “How else will your dolls learn emergency preparedness?”

LMT: “You aren’t playing Shopkins right. Nothing BAD ever happens to them!”

DM: “Then what’s the point?”

LMT: “I get to make them do whatever I want.”

DM: “That sounds BAD for them.”

LMT: “No, they like it.”