Carried Away

Someone likes to pretend she’s asleep in the car when we get home.

Someone likes to be carried up to bed.

Someone thinks Dad can’t tell she’s faking.

Someone thinks she’s a pretty good faker.

But Dad knows.

He knows she gets heavier every time.

He knows any day now she won’t want to be carried anymore.

Dad plays along and carries her, heavy, up all those stairs.

Every step, he wonders if this is the last time he’ll get to carry his tiny girl.

She feels like she’s getting away with it.

He feels her getting away.

Home Worked Up

4 pm
Me: “Welcome home from school! Any homework tonight?”
Child: “Nope! I don’t have homework today!”

5 pm
Me: “Looks like you’re having fun. If you have homework, you could do it now.”
Child: “Nope! I don’t have homework today!”

6 pm
Me: “Almost dinner time. If you have homework now would be a nice, calm time to do it.”
Child: “Nope! I don’t have homework today!”

7 pm
Me: “Getting late. You should do any homework you might have.”
Child: “Nope! I don’t have homework today!”

8 pm
Me: “OK, bed time. Last chance to do homework.”
Child: “Nope! I don’t have homework today!”
Me: “Really? Are you sure? You really don’t have homework?”
Child: “Nope! I don’t have homework today!”
Me: “OK, let’s get you tucked in for the night.”

8:22 pm
Me: “Why are you back downstairs? I already tucked you in.”
Child: “I just remembered I have homework. If I don’t turn it in tomorrow, I have to repeat the fifth grade. Oh, and we need sixteen pounds of sugar, a handmade broccoli costume, twenty-seven strings of yellow Xmas lights, and a live moose.”

Read On

I can barely stand the irony of sternly talking to the boy for reading past lights out.

His mother and I both were that kid, always reading past lights out. I honestly believe I needed glasses so early in life purely because of all the hours reading by flashlight.

Son, if you read this some day, we both love that you want to read for a couple extra hours every night, but your sister keeps telling on you.

Please get better at hiding it.