Vegeterrible

(Chinese restaurant)

Boy at next table: “Don’t order tripe! It’s intestines from an animal!”

Older sister: “They clean it first. It doesn’t taste bad or anything.”

Boy: “But it came out of an animal.”

Sis: “It was dead. It didn’t care.”

Boy: “No one asked it first!”

Calm Mom: “Let’s talk about tofu options for you.”

Donner Party of 2

Me: “OK, son. We’re going to a very authentic Chinese restaurant. You need to keep a VERY open mind. They serve food items that you’ve probably never considered eating. But don’t make a big deal about it because that would be very insensitive. It’s totally normal to people from other countries.”

Danger Monkey, age 9: (wide eyed) “Really? Like… what?”

Me: “Well, like tendons… and knuckles… and tripe. Have you heard of tripe? It’s stomach lining.”

DM: “WHAT!!! You’re kidding me, right?”

Me: “No, very serious. That’s exactly what I’m saying. Some of the stuff seems completely wild, but it’s totally normal where they grew up.”

DM: (long pause) “No, I really don’t want to eat somebody’s stomach.”

Me: “Um, OK… it’s not people stomachs. Just pig stomachs.”

DM: “Oh! Then it sounds cool. I’ll try it.”