Size Matters

Me: “Good morning. Is this where you sell convention t-shirts, here at the registration desk?”

Nice Registration Lady: “Yes it is! Would you like one?”

Me: “Yes, please. I’d like to buy a 5XL, or as I like to call it — Viking Medium.”

NRL: “So then what’s 4XL called –Delicate Little Flower?”

Me: “I like that. I like that a lot. You’d make a Badass Lady Viking.”

NRL: “That’s the 3XL.”

Me: (long pause)

Me: “You just really get me.”

Oh I’m Sure

(arriving at Chinese buffet)

Young Hostess: “How many in your party tonight?”

Me: “Just me, but I promise to eat a lot.”

YH: “Oh, I’m sure.”

Me: (chuckle)

YH: (eyes wide) “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it like… I wasn’t saying that you’re…”

Me: “It’s OK. I thought it was funny.”

YH: “Oh, thank God. Some people are really sensitive about stuff like that.”

Me: “It’s all good. I’m not sensitive like that.”

YH: “Good. You don’t look sensitive at all.”

Me: “Well, it’s good to know I don’t look sensitive.”

YH: “Oh God! I did it again! I didn’t mean it like that.”

Me: “It’s totally cool. I didn’t take it the wrong way.”

(long pause)

Me: “Can I have a table?”

YH: “Oh, right. Follow me.”