I’m Game

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Do you want to play this new role playing game I’m designing?”

Me: “Maybe. I’m kinda busy.”

DM: “It takes place before The Big Bang. I call it Dead Sky. You play one of the Angry Gods who are fighting and eventually destroy their world, which then becomes our universe as we know it.”

Me: …

Me: “Dude, I am so in.”

Driving to War

Me: “Hey, it’s really cold. What is taking so long to get into the car?”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “I dropped my book. I think while taking off all my weapons.”

Me: (slow blink)

Me: “How many weapons do you have?”

DM: “My elven sword and my bow. But don’t worry, I don’t have any arrows.”

Me: “I love you, dude.”

DM: “Whatever.”

That’s Not Right

(Dog farts.)

Me: “Dog, you stink.”

(Dog farts again)

Me: “Dog, if you don’t stop farting, I’m going to duct tape your butt closed.”

Boy: “Daddy, that’s not right. Don’t duct tape her butt closed!”

Boy leaves the room and comes back, holding up a circular object.

Boy: “Let’s use masking tape instead.”