Daddy First

Wonderful Wife: “Kids, we’re all going to bed. Everyone go to the bathroom right now.”

Danger Monkey, age 8: “I don’t have to go yet.”

Little Miss Thing: “I don’t want to.”

WW: “OK, then Daddy will go first.”

Kids, running: “We’ll go now!”

#ParentingWin

Terrified. Clearly.

Me: “I swear by all that is holy if you kids don’t stop fighting…I’ll do something really horrible.”

Little Miss Thing, age 4: “Like what?”

Me: “I don’t know. But it will be really, really horrible.”

Danger Monkey, age 7: “How horrible?”

Me: “I don’t know. Pretty horrible. Maybe I will break you over my knee.”

LMT: “Break me first. I have a wand that will fix it. Seriously. It works.”