Fake News

(at tuck-ins)

Me: “OK, son, it’s time for lights…”

Danger Monkey, age 10: (lying still, eyes closed)

Me: “Oh, I see he is already asleep.”

DM: …

Me: “He’s definitely not faking sleep. He’s definitely really, really asleep.”

DM: …

Me: …

DM: …

Me: …

DM: (cracks smile)

Me: “Very few people smile in their sleep, you know.”

DM: (eyes pop open) “Dang it. I always fall for that.”

Me: “Fall for what? I was just staring at you.”

DM: “Yeah, but I KNEW you were staring at me.”

Me: “You’re not a very good faker, and that’s OK.”

DM: “I know.”

Me: “Besides, your little sister does enough faking for the entire family.”

DM: “She really does.”


Me: “Hey, do you know that young couple over there?”

Oldest Daughter, age 14: “Yes. They go to my school. Why do you ask?”

Me: “They keep looking over here, and are about your age, so I figured maybe they were trying to get your attention or something.”

Oldest: “Or maybe they just aren’t good at not getting caught staring at giant hairy Hagrid-looking dudes.”

Me: “Noted.”