Wonderful Wife: “Please rub my arm. I think I may have pulled a bicep muscle.”
Me: (rubbing arm)
WW: “ow ow ow it hurts ow it hurts I’m going to pass out I’m going to pass out I’m going to punch you in the face and then I’m going to pass out.”
Me: “You get very violent when you’re in pain.”
WW: “Actually, I always want to punch something. The fact that I haven’t punched you yet is very remarkable.”
Me: (slow blink) “You really should write Hallmark cards.”
WW: “I really should.”
Danger Monkey, boy age 9: (screech) (screech) (screech)
Me: “WHAT WHAT WHAT is that horrible noise you are making?”
DM: (slow blink)
DM: “I’m not sure but this may be the first of my dolphin super powers.”
Me: “How was your day at school?”
Danger Monkey, age 8: “Fine.”
Me: “Did you learn anything today?”
DM: “I learned two things. First, never jump backwards off a swing. Second, if you are bleeding you should hold that body part above your heart.”
Me: (slow blink) “Just try to make it to age nine, OK?”
DM: “OK. I’ll try.”
Very Vocal Viking 