(school office 9:00 am)
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “You have to fill out a tardy slip for me.”
Me: “OK, I seem to remember that from last time.”
LMT: “You should check ‘Overslept’ for the reason.”
Me: “Sure.”
LMT: (loudly) “He overslept, not me. I was ready and made my own breakfast.”
School Secretary: “Good for you, kiddo.”
LMT: “I had to wake him up. I think he’s sick.”
Me: “She doesn’t need all the ugly details.”
School Secretary: “I’ve heard a lot worse than that.”
Me: “I bet you have.”
(wakes up)
Wonderful Wife: “Good morning.”
Me: “Good morning.”
Lump Under Blankets: “Good Morning.”
Me: “Bah! Who is that?”
(throws off blanket)
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “It’s me!”
Me: “When did you get into bed with us?”
LMT: “I had a bad dream.”
WW: “Let’s snuggle a little and then it’s time to clean our rooms and finish packing for our trip.”
LMT: “I don’t want to clean or pack. I’m not going!”
Me: “Well, you can’t stay here.”
LMT: “I’ll run away. I can live in the woods.”
Me: “That escalated quickly.”
WW: “Let’s just snuggle and we’ll talk about it later.”
LMT: “No! I’m going to go sulk in my bed.” (stomps off)
WW: “She might need more sleep.”
Me: “Did she really just use the word sulk?”
WW: “Yes. That’s our girl.”
Me: “God help us all.”
My Oldest, age 15: “I’m so tired.”
Me: “You’re always tired.”
MO: “It’s a teenager thing. I have too much homework.”
Me: “It could be a medical thing.”
MO: “It’s not a medical thing.”
Me: “Try this… if you put your head down on the table right now, could you go to sleep?”
MO: “No, definitely not. Maybe. Yeah, probably. But it’s NOT medical.”
Me: “You should get tested for sleep apnea. I have a really bad case. It can be hereditary.”
MO: “It’s not medical! I’m just tired!”
Me: “You seem irritable. That’s a symptom.”
MO: “I hate you.”
Very Vocal Viking 