Overslept

(school office 9:00 am)

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “You have to fill out a tardy slip for me.”

Me: “OK, I seem to remember that from last time.”

LMT: “You should check ‘Overslept’ for the reason.”

Me: “Sure.”

LMT: (loudly) “He overslept, not me. I was ready and made my own breakfast.”

School Secretary: “Good for you, kiddo.”

LMT: “I had to wake him up. I think he’s sick.”

Me: “She doesn’t need all the ugly details.”

School Secretary: “I’ve heard a lot worse than that.”

Me: “I bet you have.”

Sulking

(wakes up)

Wonderful Wife: “Good morning.”

Me: “Good morning.”

Lump Under Blankets: “Good Morning.”

Me: “Bah! Who is that?”

(throws off blanket)

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “It’s me!”

Me: “When did you get into bed with us?”

LMT: “I had a bad dream.”

WW: “Let’s snuggle a little and then it’s time to clean our rooms and finish packing for our trip.”

LMT: “I don’t want to clean or pack. I’m not going!”

Me: “Well, you can’t stay here.”

LMT: “I’ll run away. I can live in the woods.”

Me: “That escalated quickly.”

WW: “Let’s just snuggle and we’ll talk about it later.”

LMT: “No! I’m going to go sulk in my bed.” (stomps off)

WW: “She might need more sleep.”

Me: “Did she really just use the word sulk?”

WW: “Yes. That’s our girl.”

Me: “God help us all.”

Medical Thing

My Oldest, age 15: “I’m so tired.”

Me: “You’re always tired.”

MO: “It’s a teenager thing. I have too much homework.”

Me: “It could be a medical thing.”

MO: “It’s not a medical thing.”

Me: “Try this… if you put your head down on the table right now, could you go to sleep?”

MO: “No, definitely not. Maybe. Yeah, probably. But it’s NOT medical.”

Me: “You should get tested for sleep apnea. I have a really bad case. It can be hereditary.”

MO: “It’s not medical! I’m just tired!”

Me: “You seem irritable. That’s a symptom.”

MO: “I hate you.”