Tag: (runs off)

King Solomon on Laundry

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Me: “OK, OK… stop arguing. At this point, I don’t care who said what. I just need the hallway cleared. Is there — or is there not — stuff in the hallway between your rooms?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Yes.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Yes.”

Me: “OK, then, who does it belong to?”

DM: “Not me.”

LMT: “Not me.”

Me: “Good! That makes it easy. Let’s gather it all up and give it to charity.”

DM: “I’ll do that right now!” (runs off)

LMT: “DON’T YOU DARE THROW AWAY MY THINGS!!!” (runs off)

Me: …

Me: “I win.”

Sippy Cider

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Little Miss Thing, age 6: “Can I have apple cider?”

Me: “Wouldn’t you rather have something more substantial? This is the only snack you’ll get before dinner.”

LMT: “I really really really want apple cider!”

Me: “OK, if it’s that important to you, sure. Have cider.”

LMT: (tiny drink) “I can’t drink this.”

Me: “Hey, that’s expensive cider!”

LMT: “I tasted germs.”

Me: “No one can taste germs.”

LMT: “I can. It’s my superpower.”

Me: “You have many amazing powers, but I don’t think that’s one.”

LMT: “It is! It really is.”

Me: “OK, sure. Go play. I’ll drink your cider.”

LMT: (runs off)

Me: (looks sideways at glass of cider) “I’m not drinking that.”