Door Jam

Me: “Hey! Who left the back door totally open? The air conditioning costs money, you know!”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Sorry. I forgot to close it.”

Me: “Please try harder to remember in the future. It really does cost money.”

DM: “OK. Sorry. I’ll go close it.”

Me: “No, I’m closer. I’ll close it for you. And, actually, it’s starting to rain, so I’ll just go out and put the cover on my grill real quick.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “In your UNDERWEAR?”

Me: “Sure, why not?”

LMT: “You can’t go outside in your underwear!”

Me: “We live out in the woods and hardly anyone can see our back deck. And what’s the difference between boxer shorts and swimming trunks?”

LMT: “I think it’s a really bad idea.”

DM: “Yeah, Dad. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Me: “Well, guess what. Just to clear things up around here, I’m the Dad and I’ve been around the block a time or two. I think I can make this type of decision for myself. Trust me, it’s not as big a deal as you think. But thanks for your input and your concern.”

Me: (steps outside)

(door slams behind me, lock loudly clicks)

Me: “Uh…”

(much laughter behind the door)

(so much laughter)

(mass hysterics)

(long pause)

(rain starts to fall)

Me: “I really should have seen that coming.”



Disney Delve 2014: Day 5

DISNEY DELVE 2014, Day 5:

Great success!

Due to a random fluke, I have stumbled upon the secret weakness of the Rat King. For fifteen minutes today, our company walked openly and unchallenged through the streets that had been perpetually clogged just moments before. Deserted and undefended, our five could have conquered the entirety of this place, on the spot.

What caused this miraculous boon, you ask? Was it magic, or a military tactic? No… It rained.

A simple cloudburst truly shut down the entire kingdom of the Rat.

Frightened like tiny children, hundreds of eyes stared at us from alleyways and crevices as if we were witches, simply because we did not scurry like cockroaches under awnings and umbrellas.

The cool rain also seemed to bring me back to my senses, dispelling his sorcerer’s charms. It is so obvious now. The Rat King must die.

Tomorrow, I will complete my mission. Probably should wait until after our dinner with the Princesses, though. Well, and we have 7:00 pm reservations for a dinosaur ride that I’ve really been looking forward to all week.

But definitely after that, I will kill that foulest of pretenders, and once and for all end the reign of the Rat King.