Me: “Hey! Who left the back door totally open? The air conditioning costs money, you know!”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Sorry. I forgot to close it.”

Me: “Please try harder to remember in the future. It really does cost money.”

DM: “OK. Sorry. I’ll go close it.”

Me: “No, I’m closer. I’ll close it for you. And, actually, it’s starting to rain, so I’ll just go out and put the cover on my grill real quick.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “In your UNDERWEAR?”

Me: “Sure, why not?”

LMT: “You can’t go outside in your underwear!”

Me: “We live out in the woods and hardly anyone can see our back deck. And what’s the difference between boxer shorts and swimming trunks?”

LMT: “I think it’s a really bad idea.”

DM: “Yeah, Dad. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Me: “Well, guess what. Just to clear things up around here, I’m the Dad and I’ve been around the block a time or two. I think I can make this type of decision for myself. Trust me, it’s not as big a deal as you think. But thanks for your input and your concern.”

Me: (steps outside)

(door slams behind me, lock loudly clicks)

Me: “Uh…”

(much laughter behind the door)

(so much laughter)

(mass hysterics)

(long pause)

(rain starts to fall)

Me: “I really should have seen that coming.”