Those People

Waitress: “OK, sounds good. Now, with that breakfast you get a choice of toast or two pancakes.”

Me: (long pause)

Me: “Does anyone really ever choose toast?”

Waitress: “It happens. But you gotta wonder about those people.”

Gamed the System

Me: “Did you enjoy the gaming convention last weekend?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Yes! I love gaming conventions!”

Me: “Really? Aw, that’s awesome. That makes your geeky Dad’s heart just melt with happiness! What was your favorite part?”

LMT: “All the pancakes.”

Pancake Panic

(sits down at hotel restaurant)

Me: “Good news kids, today you get to experience the majestic grandeur of a hotel breakfast buffet.”

(still standing)

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Why are we eating HERE?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I don’t like it here.”

Me: “Give it a chance. It’s pretty awesome. I mean, they have lots of bacon.”

DM: “Meh.”

LMT: “I hate this place.”

Me: “You guys need to be more open to new experiences. You’ll discover cool new things.”

DM: “Can we go somewhere else?”

LMT: “I’ll just sit here and draw pictures. When you’re done, you can take me somewhere else.”

Me: “Oh, did I mention they have unlimited pancakes and…”

(two child-shaped dust clouds appear where children used to be)

Me: “… syrup.”