I’m at a mall to pick up my daughter.
The mall is filled with teenagers.
All the stores are staffed by teenagers, except their managers, who are college kids. The security guard is maybe 25.
I hate all the stores and the music and the layout. Who designed this parking lot, Stevie Wonder?
I am the only one here that has heard of Stevie Wonder.
Dammit.
I’m totally That Old Dude At The Mall.
I never wanted to be that dude.
I always hated that dude
Me: “How is that pizza place still in business?”
My Oldest, age 15: “Well, I like it.”
Me: “No, seriously, it’s horrible. Unless you enjoy eating overly garlicked grease drizzled over stale doughy crust.”
Oldest: “Exactly. It’s delicious.”
Me: “Consider yourself disowned.”
Oldest: “Maybe my new family will have better taste in pizza.”
My Oldest, age 14: “Some of these snarky Internet videos are actually informational.”
Me: “Yeah, right. Ha. Ha. Very funny.”
Oldest: “No, really. Like ‘The History of Japan’. It’s hilarious and rude, but I learned about how the US forces invaded Japan under Matthew Perry, and…”
Me: “MATTHEW Perry? Hahahahaha! Chandler Bing invaded Japan? Hahahahaha”
Oldest: “What?”
Me: “I think you meant Commodore Perry.”
Oldest: “Yes, Commodore Matthew Perry.”
Me: “Wait… his name was Matthew?”
Oldest: “Maybe you should watch more Internet videos.”
Very Vocal Viking 