No One Can Hear You Scream

Wonderful Wife: “Please go do your vacuuming.”

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “OK.”

Me: “She’s getting really good at vacuuming.”

LMT: “How would you know? You never vacuum.”

Me: (jaw drop)

WW: “No comment.”

Future Trouble

(tiny hand in my pocket)

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “Oooh, a wallet.”

(starts walking away with my wallet)

Me: ‘Uh… where are you going with my wallet?”

LMT: “I just need one of your credit cards.”

Me: “For what?”

LMT: (pause)

LMT: “I don’t know yet.”

Ltitle Miss Thing, age 6: “Mom, he’s not doing dishes right.”

Danger Monkey, age 9: “Well, she’s not doing her fair share.”

Wonderful Wife: “Guys, can we be more positive, please?”

DM: “I’m positive she’s not doing her fair share.”

LMT: “I’m positive you stink.”